How to effectively handle an argument or misunderstanding and save a relationship
It’s that time of year when many of us take holidays with family and friends. As much as we enjoy getting together, conversations can get a bit prickly and leave loved ones feeling less supported than we might want.
So, we need some strategies to reduce potential misunderstandings when confronted with an argumentative communicator.
What’s an argumentative communicator?
If you enjoy playing devil’s advocate, constantly offer an opposing opinion even if it’s not asked for, and often use the word ‘but’ in conversation with others, you might be perceived as argumentative.
When you constantly disagree with others’ comments, you risk making them feel wrong, unintelligent, or uninformed. This approach isn’t ideal for fostering strong relationships.
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Men and women often perceive communication differently. For example, men might describe aggressive communication styles as “a debate” or “an intense conversation,” while women might see the same interaction as “a fight” or “an argument.”
Obviously, perceptions are tricky things to work around.
One person may believe they’re simply debating or discussing a subject intellectually with no intent to harm. The other person may perceive the same conversation as intending to lower their reputation or hurt them. As a result, they feel a need to defend themselves rather than just their point of view.
This doesn’t mean you need to stop disagreeing or sharing your opinions. It simply means you should ensure that those you’re in a discussion with don’t feel personally attacked.
There’s another issue: we often treat our ideas as part of our identity. When people view their ideas as extensions of themselves, any debate can feel like a personal attack. Therefore, it’s important to distinguish between the opinion and the person during these discussions.
If someone perceives you as argumentative during a discussion, ask them, “How can I present counterexamples and other viewpoints without offending you or hurting your feelings?”
If people frequently say things like, “You just love to argue, don’t you?” or “Why do you always argue with me?” or “I don’t want to fight with you,” it’s a sign that you need to rethink your communication style, even if you don’t believe you’re being argumentative.
Applying one or two of these tips will help you communicate more efficiently, effectively and gently.
Faith Wood is a professional speaker, author, and certified professional behaviour analyst. Before her career in speaking and writing, she served in law enforcement, which gave her a unique perspective on human behaviour and motivations. Faith is also known for her work as a novelist, with a focus on thrillers and suspense. Her background in law enforcement and understanding of human behaviour often play a significant role in her writing.
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The opinions expressed by our columnists and contributors are theirs alone and do not inherently or expressly reflect the views of our publication.
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